Winners & Losers: Going Heads-Up Against North Korea’s Kim?

Jurisdictions are notorious for turning to gambling as a last resort to settle debts, finance infrastructure, pay for public schooling.

But the latest gambling news out of North Korea may be slightly beyond the pale.

According to Radio Free Asia, which is generally considered a reliable news source, North Korea is looking to “sell gambling rights” at a currently uncompleted hotel in the capital city of Pyongyang.

But get this: The 105-floor hotel, known as the Ryugyong, has been under construction for 37 years. Plus, it comes with a catch (beyond the weird location of said casino). Whoever decides to buy-in with Kim Jong Un will have to finish building the hotel.

At 1,080 feet, it ranks as the tallest building in North Korea. An entire side of the structure’s exterior is outfitted with LED monitors, which currently show off propaganda on “one of the world’s largest displays” (as per Radio Free Asia).

Apparently, the would-be sky-high casino is part of a bid to bring tourism to North Korea. Could Pyongyang become Macau in the north? Good luck with that.

Even the hardiest gamblers would be concerned about saying the wrong thing – maybe, something along the lines of, “This place sucks. I never win” – and getting tossed into jail.

Forget about a reliable gambling commission to settle disputes, and my condolences go out to those who try pulling an advantage play on Kim.

I fear that the back room will be downright medieval. Best top stick with an online casino closer to home.

Worse: Patrons should remember the fate of Otto Warmbier. The young American, while on a sanctioned trip to the Hermit Kingdom, made the ill-fated mistake of swiping a banner from the luxurious (by NK standards) Yanggakdo Hotel, which houses a casino that can only be patronized by foreigners.

Warmbier wound up with a 15-year-long prison sentenced and was eventually shipped home to America in a vegetative state.

He died soon after hitting US soil.

While there is a yet another, quasi-luxe gambling den, this one situated inside the Imperial hotel – minimum buy-in to enter the place is the North Korean equivalent of £500 and the clientele tends to be high-rolling Chinese and Russians who are said to sometimes settle marker payments with big-ticket items such as wristwatches and diamond rings — North Korea has a bit of checkered history where out-of-country gambling entities are concerned.

There have been reports that NK sold illegal gambling sites to South Korean gangsters. And if that wasn’t bad enough, North Korean operatives stand accused of implanting the sites with malware. They are said to have generated billions of dollars in profits.

Paul Cullen has busted the myth that casino games are rigged, but that only applies to US casinos. In a place like North Korea, the house won’t settle for it’s 2.70% edge on a roulette table.

As far as the brick-and-mortar casino goes, of course, the big question revolves around who will invest in it.

Doing business with North Korea ranges from extremely tricky to downright illegal for entrepreneurs living in Western nations. So don’t expect to see frescos like at the Venetian or the dancing waters that made Bellagio famous (unless they are completely knocked off, which is a very real possibility).

Instead, the high-floor casino opportunity will be pitched to potential partners from China, Russia and Mongolia, all of which are Kim-friendly countries.

Whatever the case, if you happen to be passing through Pyongyang and you nip into one of the casinos for a round of blackjack or baccarat, remember what happened to the hapless Warmbier and keep in mind that the handsomely monogrammed ashtrays (and especially banners) are not souvenirs for the taking.

Nor, based on the hairstyles I’ve seen coming out of that country, is it a very good idea to patronize the casino’s barbershop for a trim before you hit the hotpot restaurant and karaoke club. The look might get you in good with the locals but will make you a laughing-stock at your home casino.